


By The Gods, I Love You

by Natsumi_Jordan



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: FTM!Beca, Gender Dysphoria, I don’t like him :), Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jesse is gonna be the bad guy, Language, Multi, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans!Beca - Freeform, Transphobia, bechloe - Freeform, staubrey - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-09
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-03-15 14:03:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13614882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Natsumi_Jordan/pseuds/Natsumi_Jordan
Summary: Beck is FTM and just wants to be accepted. Jesse is back in town and attempts to take comfort in Chloe, but Chloe just wants Beck to be okay. Beck is obviously not okay.





	1. He Just Wants Peace

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter has implied suicide.

He sat in silence. Whatever had transpired in the last few seconds didn’t register in his mind, which had gone blank after his father’s words. They rang in his mind like a city bell.

_‘You will never be my son.’_

_‘You will always be Beca to me.’_

_‘I don’t care who you think you are!’_

_‘You are my daughter and that’s the end of this conversation, Beca!’_

Now he sat on the edge of his bed, one hand under the waistband of his sweatpants, fingers idly drumming on his thigh, and the other loosely gripping his phone. He could still hear his father calling his deadname on the other line.

“Yes, Dad?”

He tried to sound confident, to hide his emotions as he spoke.

“I don’t ever want you to come to me with this...gender bullshit ever again. Goodbye, Beca.”

The line went silent before Beck locked his phone and tossed it behind him. The brunet pulled his legs up to his chest before he fell onto his side and curled up even more. It was probably the only reason he was grateful for his height, but usually he would sigh and wish he’d gained genes from his father.

Even the slightest thought of his dad made him choke back a sob. He didn’t want to cry about not being accepted, but he couldn’t help but think that the one person who always said, _‘You know you can talk to me about anything. I’ll always love you,’_ didn’t accept him.

_“Look, I don’t know. Maybe, Beck decided to go to the gym. He usually does on Tuesdays.”_

At the mention of his name and the sound of one of his favorite voice, he perked up, wiping his face to clear the stray tears. Though, he almost didn’t recognize the second one.

_“Who cares where your boyfriend is. Let’s just get this over with. Do you want to do this or not?”_

_“I care. If he catches us, there will be no telling how he will react. There will be so many questions.”_

Beck furrowed his brow. ‘What are they talking about?’ He stood from his bed, wiping his face, and opened the door, only to see his girlfriend with someone he despised with a passion.

“Chloe? Jesse? What is he doing here, and why are you guys with one another?”

Chloe kept quiet, looking between Beck and Jesse repeatedly. She didn’t know what to say, and certainly did not like lying to her boyfriend.

Jesse spoke first.

“Chloe needed some advice and she thought you were out. I was in town and she wanted to catch up. In the middle, I offered to help her. I promise she’s yours and yours only.”

“You know what, I don’t care. I’m gonna go for a walk…”

Before Chloe could stop him, Beck grabbed his earbuds and wallet before he brushed past them. He kept his composure long enough to make it to his car. He made sure to lock the doors before he buckled his seatbelt, and drove out of the neighborhood. He didn’t know where he was going to go, or for how long. He just wanted to get away for a bit.

Beck went to the only place he knew.

“Hey, mom.”

When Beck was just a kid, he lost his mother to a drunk driver on the interstate. It scared him to know that he would grow up without his mother, but he remembered when his father told him not to fret.

 _“She’s in a better place,”_ he would tell the little boy. _“And she is always watching over you. Remember that, Beca.”_

The brown haired man shook his head and sat before his mother’s grave, sniffling quietly as he fixed the pile of dahlias on the ground. He let his lips twitch upwards just a tad as he stared at the purple petals. “I know that you would have been so proud of me. For finally finding myself. Dad always told me how much you wanted a son, that when you found out you were pregnant, you became so happy...I miss you so much, mom…you would be so happy for me…”

Beck pulled his knees to his chest and cried into his arms as he rested them on his legs. It wasn’t a quiet weeping either. His sobs were loud, and at that moment he didn’t care. He needed to let out all the feelings he had been suppressing for the past few weeks.

His father didn’t love him the way he was.

Jesse never accepted him for who he was.

Chloe was the only one who accepted him with open arms and a, _“That’s it? Jesus Christ, I thought you were gonna tell me that you only had a few weeks left to live.”_

He had felt so much better when Chloe pulled him into a hug and told him how much she loved him. It made his heart swell, and eyes water as he realized how grateful he truly was for the older woman…

...but to see that she was hanging out with Jesse while assuming Beck was away made him feel upset. He couldn’t place why either.

* * *

Hours passed before Beck gathered himself and returned to his car. He sat in the driver’s seat for a few minutes, looking through his notifications. Chloe had been calling him. He hesitated on calling her back, knowing damn well the redhead was probably worried sick about him.

“Call Chloe.”

_“Calling Heart Emoji. Chloe. Ring Emoji.”_

Within seconds of the line ringing, it was picked up. There some shuffling before his girlfriend’s voice was heard.

_“Beck, I’m so happy you called. Are you okay? Do you need me to come get you, or do you need anything?”_

The young man chuckled quietly before he shook his head to himself. “Dad knows where to find me. I love you, Chloe Beale. Don’t ever forget that.” He hung up the call before Chloe could say anything to him. He turned on his car and sped off down the trail. He knew that at the end of the trail was a dead end that led to a steep hill.

“They won’t miss me. They’ll be okay. Don’t worry, mom. We’ll see each other again shortly.”

His foot pressed down harder on the gas pedal as he let out a deep breath.

“It’ll all be over soon.”


	2. Just Drown Him Already

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beck finds out why Jesse was really at his house with Chloe, and he begins to realize maybe he does need a little bit of help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I listened to Lil Peep and X while writing this and, oh man, I got emotional.

Beck sat up with a start, his heart racing, and ears ringing. He looked around and noticed that the sun had already set. His hands patted his torso and his face to assure himself that he was still alive and it was all just a dream; a dream of him driving off the edge of the road.

The young man fished his pockets for his phone, his heart dropping when he saw the mass amount of missed calls and texts from Chloe.

He almost dropped the device when it began to ring in his hands. When the caller ID popped up and showed the familiar heart and ring emojis, he quickly answered it.

_ “Beck! Thank God you answered. I was so worried. Are you okay? Where are you? Please tell me you’re okay…” _

Beck swallowed down the lump in his throat before he responded. “Chloe, I’m fine. I’m...on my way home.”

_ “Okay, please hurry, but don’t speed, and drive safely. I’ll feel so much better when I see you.” _

He made a small sound and hung up the call as he got up and said goodbye to his mother. The walk to his car felt a lot longer than normal. His body felt numb. Was his dream a sign? Or was it just a dream?

The brunet decided against dwelling on the thought any longer, but the moment he got into his car, he thought about it again. _Am I going crazy? Do I really feel that way? What would Chloe even do if I…_

He shook his head and turned on the car. Before he left the area, he put on some music, specifically, the playlist he made for when he felt the way he was feeling. Some of the artists consisted of Blackbear, Lil Peep, and even XXXTentacion.

Chloe had found the playlist in his phone one day and questioned him when she heard the music. Beck waved it off and said he liked the music. He told her that she was okay, but the longer he listened, the more he realized that he wasn’t just listening to these songs just to do so. He listened to them because he felt a connection and an understanding with them.

* * *

 

The ride home felt longer than usual, and that wasn’t including the pit stop he made to pick up some takeout that Chloe usually liked, or the gas he got near the neighborhood.

What he didn’t expect was to see Chloe curled up on the couch in their living room, one of Beck’s hoodies adorned and a pair of his boxers. Her phone laid on the coffee table along with a small piece of paper with different numbers scribbled on it. Phone numbers.

“Beck?”

Blue eyes flickered back over to the woman on the couch, his face softening when he saw her smile. “Hey, Chlo. I brought you some food. I don’t know if you ate or not, but it’s here for you whenever.”

Chloe sat up and rubbed her eyes before she pulled her boyfriend down next to her. She took the container of Thai cuisine and popped the lid off, making a satisfied noise when the aroma of the Khao Kha Mu filled her nostrils. “You remembered my favorite.”

Beck smiled and kissed her cheek before he handed her a fork. “I’ll be right back. I’m gonna go change my clothes.” She nodded in response and smacked Beck’s butt, laughing when he covered his backside defensively, glaring at her over his shoulder.

The moment he got past the door to their shared room, he let out a small sigh and took off his shirt. He looked down at himself, making a small face when he realized that he’d have to take off his binder. Sometimes he wished he could keep it on without having to worry about the risks. He shook his head and pulled it over his head and hurriedly put on a baggy t-shirt. 

A light in the corner of his eye caught his attention. He turned and saw a phone sitting on the dresser. It wasn’t his and it definitely was not Chloe’s. Curiosity got the best of him as he walked over and unlocked it. It was Jesse’s. Then he remembered that Jesse was with Chloe earlier.

It made his heart ache slightly. What business did Chloe have with Jesse that he even came in their room and left his phone? He looked through the messages and frowned when he saw one of the threads being with the woman in the living room.

Beck checked to make sure Chloe wasn’t coming down the hall as he scrolled through the messages.

_ Chloe: I don’t ever want to see you again… _

_ Jesse: Chlo, please don’t be mad. I wasn’t thinking and I just acted. _

_ Chloe: Oh I’m totally going to forgive you for talking about the love of my life in the manner you did. I understand that it takes awhile to properly use the right pronouns, but Jesus fucking Christ, Jesse. Beck is human, and is doing what he can to feel most comfortable with himself. God only knows what I would have done with you if Beck came to me in tears. You’re so goddamn lucky Stacie found him. He trusted you enough to tell you and you acted indifferent towards him. _

Beck was confused. The last time they spoke was months ago, so why are they suddenly hanging out? He only knew that because that was they day Jesse lashed out at him when the younger man came out to him. Jesse didn’t respond well which resulted in Beck crying in the bathroom for several hours until he was founded by Stacie.

He closed the messages and locked the phone, putting it back were he found it. His stomach felt funny all of a sudden, but he pushed that to the back of his mind as he went back to Chloe. Half of her plate was empty when he looked at it upon return.

“Full?”

“Uh...yeah. I didn’t finish it, in case you wanted some. I’m just glad you’re home. I was so worried about you.”

Chloe waited until he sat down before she climbed into his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. “My handsome Beck, I love you so much.” She pressed her forehead to his and kissed the bridge of his nose, smiling when she heard him chuckle. “What’s so funny?”

“I love you too, Chloe. More than you will ever know, babe.”

She smiled and pressed a kiss to his forehead, one to his nose, his chin, both cheeks, and a last one on his lips, keeping it locked for a few moments. To say that Beck loved kissing Chloe was an understatement, but he chose that small session to remember that Jesse had come by.

He pulled away from the kiss and received a worried look.

“Why was Jesse here?”

Chloe opened her mouth to say something, closing it again as she slid off of the young man’s lap. She stared at her hands and chewed on her bottom lip. Something she did when she was nervous.

“Chloe?”

“We bumped into one another in town today while I was shopping, and because I knew him, I asked for his advice. Of course I couldn’t find what I was looking for here, so I offered him to come by so we could see if we found the stuff online.”

And may I ask what exactly you’re buying that you go to him instead of me?” His voice came out softly as he reached out and pushed some of her hair behind her ear. He noticed the slight blush on her cheeks as she continued to bite on her lip.

“You’ve been kind of off lately, and we haven’t really... _you know_ , in a while and I wanted to see if there was something you’d like based on what we discussed. Jesse said him and his girlfriend are pretty okay in that department, so he recommended some stuff to me.”

“Oh... _oh_ , I see. Babe, why didn’t you just tell me? I would have been okay with talking about it. And I’ve been a bit off because I decided to come out to my dad. Hence, why I kind of left suddenly, earlier. He,” Beck started, letting out a shaky breath as he remembered the conversation from that afternoon. “He didn’t take it too well...He told me to never go to him again with ‘gender bullshit’...Chloe, my dad doesn’t love me anymore…”

Beck finally let his tears fall. Chloe immediately wrapped him up in her arms, an attempt to console him as he pressed his face into the crook of her neck. She felt for him, she really did. Dr. Mitchell was the only blood family that Beck had left, and of course, he would have trusted his dad...well, because its his dad.

“Shh, baby, it’s going to be okay. He will come around. Give him some time. I assure you he will.”

The sounds of quiet sobbing could be heard less and less as the minutes ticked by. Beck was calming down with every stroke of his hair from his girlfriend, and every kiss to his cheek. It didn’t take long until Chloe heard light snores come from the boy, and it made her giggle quietly.

She laid back on the couch, letting Beck’s head rest on her stomach with her legs wrapped gently around his torso.

“I really wish you would talk to me, Beck Mitchell. Let me be there for you…”


	3. Til Death Do Us Part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe and Beck have dinner with a few old friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is more of a filler while I attempt to work on the plot a little more.
> 
> Also, might make a continuation of that morning Bechloe.

Chloe groaned quietly when she opened her eyes. It was past noon, she noticed. She also noticed that Beck was sitting on the edge of the bed, the sunlight illuminating his profile when he turned his head to look over his shoulder.

“Good afternoon, sleepy head.”

Beck scooted back on the bed before he laid on his side, holding his head up with an arm. Sapphire eyes stared into baby blue irises, and that's when he felt himself smiling.

“What's got you in a good mood this morning?”

“I took Aubrey’s advice and meditated. Don't tell her I did so.”

Chloe raised her brow, the corners of her mouth twitching as she tried not to laugh.

“I won’t, and thank you for moving me to the bed. The couch was a bit uncomfortable, and, no offense, you’re a bit heavy.”

Beck chuckled and pressed his face into the crook of the redhead’s neck, subtly breathing in the smell of strawberries that she always seemed to carry around with her. It was comforting and made him want to fall asleep right then and there.

“So, I spoke with Benji yesterday, and he wants us to join them for dinner. Stacie and Aubrey are going, Amy has been MIA, and I don’t know about Cynthia. With her being in the Air Force and all.”

“Well that’s new. He doesn’t usually speak with us. I wonder what’s going on.”

“He mentioned something about a surprise for Em, but apparently she came into the room before he could give me the details.”

The young man raised an eyebrow in question.

Then it clicked.

“He’s going to propose to her. Holy shit, Chlo. Emily’s boyfriend is gonna ask her to marry him!”

Beck became giddy at the thought of their young friend tying the knot. They had been together for a good few years, and Benji treated the young woman with more respect than any of them had ever seen. It would make sense that he was going to do such a thing.

“Well, I think she’ll say yes to him. I have a good feeling about this. Now, how about you and I take a moment to ourselves.” Chloe climbed on top of her boyfriend and began kissing down his body. “O-Okay…”

* * *

 

The dinner was at a simple restaurant, a new italian cuisine a few miles into the city. How Benji found it, none of them dare to question.

“Oh my god, it’s so good to see you guys again!”

Aubrey ran up to Chloe and hugged the redhead tightly. It was nice to see her best friend again after a few years.

“I missed you so much, Bree. How is Stacie treating you? Are you guys all good?”

The blonde couldn’t fight the huge smile that plastered itself onto her features. It was a clear sign that their relationship was still holding strong.

“We are doing great. Bella calls me her mom, and honestly, I love that little girl so much. I would give my life for the both of them.”

The staff was very respectful in letting them speak amongst themselves and made sure the group was seated before handing them all menus, and setting two bottles of wine on the table.

Everyone at the table aww’d at the way Aubrey looked at Stacie and Bella. The little girl gurgled around the hand she put in her mouth. Stacie couldn’t help but laugh at her daughter and the small smile that graced the young one’s features.

“I’ll be taking water, please.” Beck raised his hand and smiled at the waiter who came to his side and filled his glass halfway. “Thank you."

Before anyone could say anything else, another waiter appeared next to their table and offered them the specials for the day. They looked at one another and agreed on just ordering off the menu.

Benji stayed quiet for most of the dinner, too nervous to really speak as he glanced at Emily every once in awhile. Beck noticed this and excused himself to the restroom, tapping the younger man on the shoulder. “Come with me.”

The sandy haired boy nodded and stood up, following Beck into the bathroom.

“Dude, you’re sweating bullets. Calm down, okay?”

“What if she says no? What if she feels forced to say yes, but then along the way she leaves me?”

Beck took Benji’s face into his hands and forced him to look him in the eyes. “She won’t. Benjamin, she loves you more than anything, and I’m sure she’ll say yes. If she doesn’t, which I highly doubt, then don’t take it too hard.”

Benji nodded quickly and patted the hands on his cheeks and started took a deep breath, exhaling slowly to calm himself. “I’m ready.”

The shorter man smiled and removed himself from Benji before he exited the bathroom, his friend close behind. The girls seemed to be having a decent conversation, judging by the furious red on Chloe’s cheeks. She covered her face as Stacie laughed, and Aubrey and Emily looked shocked.

“Ladies, what is my poor girlfriend going through that she looks like she’s about to cry?”

Beck sat back down next to Chloe wrapping an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close to his side. She immediately hid her face in the crook of his neck, giggling quietly when Emily gave her a look. “Screw all of you…”

“We know Beck would,” Stacie added with a shrug of her shoulders. It was Beck’s turn to give them the middle finger, to which Aubrey gasped and covered Bella’s eyes. Everyone laughed at the blonde for her actions.

“Miss Junk?”

Emily looked up to see one of the waiters set down a glass of champagne before her, and a small plate of strawberry cheesecake next to it. It was her favorite, and she was confused when no one else got some.

“Go ahead,” started Benji. “Eat it.”

The young woman picked up her fork and went to slice the cake until she felt something stop the fork. She frowned and pressed her finger into the spot, pulling out the object of her frustration. She gasped when she saw that it was silver ring.

Chloe squealed softly when Benji got onto one knee next to Emily’s chair.

“Emily Junk, you make me the happiest man on this planet. You are oh so very talented, beautiful, and caring. I always swore that I fell in love with you the day we met, and I seem to fall harder as the days go by.”

By now Emily had a few tears fall down her face as she tried to keep her smile on her face.

“Will you do me the honor of being my wife?” He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a velvet box, opening it to reveal a diamond ring.

“Of course I will!”

Their friends cheered and applauded the two as they hugged one another tightly and shared a quick kiss. “I love you, Emily.”

“I love you too, Benjamin.”

“Alright, love birds. Don’t start fucki-OW! What was that for?”

Chloe raised her brow at her boyfriend, asking if he was serious. “Your sailor mouth in front of Bella. That’s what that was for.”

“It’s okay. I’m sure she’s heard it all. Aubrey is kind of loud, but congratulations to you guys. I can’t wait until you guys get married.” Stacie clapped once more for the couple, getting up hug both of them tightly, made easy by her height. Aubrey just sat there, red-faced, not believing Stacie just said that.

“Thank you, all of you. I couldn’t have done it without Beck and of course the rest of you. Even little ol’ Bella.” Benji tickled the little girl, causing her to giggle and swat at his hand.

“It was our pleasure, Ben.”

To say that everyone was happy was an understatement, and Beck was glad that he could spend these moments with his family, forgetting all about his dad and Jesse.

Chloe took his hand and squeezed it lightly, kissing his cheek with a smile, and whispering an, “I love you,” into his ear. 


	4. Hurting More Than Usual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beck finally has a moment with Jesse since the coming out incident. 
> 
> Jesse's true motives are revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter DOES contain transphobia and mentions of suicide.

It was Thursday, which meant that Chloe had to leave early for work while Beck got  up and out of bed around noon to continue working on a few songs. His boss had gotten onto him the week before regarding an almost missed deadline.

Beck grumbled as he rolled out of bed, going straight to the bathroom to brush his teeth and shower. He noticed a glass bottle on the counter and smiled when he read the note next to it.

_Good morning, handsome. I ran out before work and got you some new cologne. I know how long you’ve been looking for this one._

_-Chloe XOXO_

“Beale, you are the best.” The young man looked into the mirror and sighed when he glanced at his chest. Sometimes he wished he could just pull them right off and carry on with life. He shook his head and moved away from the sink to turn on the water, waiting until it warmed up to get in.

* * *

An hour later, Beck sat in the living room, laptop in his lap, and phone against his ear as he spoke with his boss.

“Yes, sir. I understand. Yes. I have a singer. No, she isn’t known well. She was part of the Barden Bellas, captain actually at some point.”

Beck nodded to himself as he heard his boss speak, a smile lighting up his features when he was given the okay to use a new voice for his song. “Thank you, sir. I’ll have it in by Monday. Okay, you too. Bye.”

He chuckled quietly as he texted Chloe, letting her know the plan for their evening. Chicken and rice with salad on the side for dinner, a movie, and then begin recording for the song. Chloe agreed to the plan with a smiley face before she went back to work.

A knocking on the door broke Beck from his trance. He quickly put on a black t-shirt and looked through the peephole, sighing when he saw that it was Jesse. After a few moments, the younger man opened the door and walked back to the living room.

“Hey, Bec...Beck. How’s it going, dude?” Jesse sat down on the couch next to Beck, smiling at the smaller male, who just closed his laptop and set it aside. “It’s going. Not to be rude, but may I ask why you are here?”

“Whoa, your voice. It’s gotten deep, dude. But, uh, yeah...I left my phone the other day and I was wondering if I could have it back?”

“I don’t know where you left it,” Beck shrugged as he walked down the hallway, telling Jesse to follow him. “Was it the one on our dresser? Speaking of, why were you even in here?”

“I don’t know if Chloe told you, but she needed some...advice on a thing-”

“Why would my girlfriend ask you for sex advice? Jesse what are you up to?”

Jesse stayed quiet as he leaned against the door frame. “Chloe deserves to be with someone who can provide her with what she needs.”

Beck already knew where this was going and grabbed the other man’s phone, tossing it at him. “I can provide Chloe with whatever she wants and needs. I’m just enough of a man as you are. Get the fuck out of my house, Swanson.”

“I’m just saying, what if Chloe wants kids, then-“

“I said GET THE FUCK OUT!” Beck marched up to Jesse and clocked the taller man right in the nose, dragging him down the hall and out of the door. “Don’t ever talk to me or Chloe. Ever. Again.”

He locked the door and glanced down at his hands, balling them up into fists to stop the shaking. His heart ached and raced at the same time, some of Jesse’s words nagging at him.

_What if Chloe does leave me because I can’t give her kids…?_

**_Just kill yourself, things would be easier, and you know it._ **

_No...leave me alone…I won’t give in…_

**_Come on, Beck. You heard Jesse. You can’t please her._ **

_Yes, I can._

“Leave me alone!”

Beck felt a pair of arms wrap around him as his breathing became heavy. He didn’t try to push the person off, especially when he heard a steady mantra in his ear.

“You’re okay. I’m here. I’ve got you, baby, It’s okay.”

Chloe had stepped inside, ready to question her boyfriend about the bloodied face Jesse outside, but when she saw him standing there, looking at his hands, she knew something was wrong.

“Beck, let us sit down on the couch. Come on.”

The redhead pulled Beck onto the couch next to her, resting his head on her shoulder as her fingers threaded through his short locks. It was an effective method for the first few months, but Chloe had stopped when  Beck’s mood had lifted within the last few weeks, only needing to give him a quick kiss to cheer him up.

“Do you want to tell me what’s going on?”

Beck shook his head and kept it nestled in Chloe’s shoulder. The hands in his hair kept him calm for the most part, and it made him sleepy. He wanted a nap, to sleep, to do anything but cry. He was so tired of crying in the past.

“I’m going to go take a nap. You can leave Jesse outside...I don’t want him in our house, ever again.” The young man stood from his spot and trudged down the hallway, slamming the room door when he made it.

Chloe groaned and left the couch to go back outside to confront Jesse.

“What the fuck did you tell Beck? He had a panic attack.”

Jesse had taken off his shirt to stop the bleeding from his nose, and to clean himself up. “I just told him what he needed to hear. The truth.”

“What did you say, Swanson?”

“That he wasn’t good enough for you. You need a real man to please you. Someone like me.”

The young woman clenched her jaw, stuck between slapping the man in front of her, or yelling at him, so she did both.

“Don’t you ever talk about Beck in such a manner, ever! You will not return to this property unless you come to apologize for being such an asshole. Beck is just as much of a man as you are. Just because his body is different doesn't mean shit! I had faith in you...that you would finally come around and be supportive, but I guess that was too much to ask. Leave.”

She forced him to his feet and shoved him forward. “Your girlfriend is dating one hell of a guy. I hope she realizes your true nature before it’s too late. You disgust me.”


	5. Awkward in Simplicity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beck finally relays his feelings to Chloe, so she suggests a beach day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this seems rushed. Life has been sooo busy lately, and when June hits, I'll have more time.

Beck stayed up all night, eyes glued to the ceiling as he thought about everything that had transpired within the last 48 hours. His dad had pretty much disowned him, the man he used to call his best friend had acted out against him, and his depression and dysphoria were creeping up on him.

He wanted to tell Chloe how he was feeling when she asked him, but he couldn’t bring himself to say anything to her. He just shrugged and turned over onto his side, closing his eyes as a few tears ran down his face. He didn’t budge when he felt her wrap her arms around his waist and press her face into his back. He knew it was her way of saying she was there for him.

“I love you, Beck. I will always be here for you.”

_ I know _ is all he thought as the hours ticked by. When he did try to close his eyes and sleep, the sun had already come up and Chloe had just gotten up to get ready for work.

Or that’s what he thought until he felt a kiss on his cheek.

“Hey, I know you didn’t get any sleep, so I took the day off, and may have called your boss and he says you can take off a few days. Paid.”

Beck’s brow raised at the words that left his girlfriend’s mouth. He knew he was more than grateful for the redhead now more than ever. “What did I ever do to deserve you?”

He turned onto his back and wrapped his arms around Chloe’s waist, holding her close. She wrapped her arms around his neck and laid her head on his shoulder, snuggling close to him to get comfortable.

“Chloe, there’s something I should tell you, and I’m only telling you because I’m scared for the future.” He ran a hand through his hair as Chloe sat up to look him in the eyes.

“The day that I ran out...I went to visit my mom, but I fell asleep and I had a dream. I called you and told you that I loved you and to tell dad that I love him. I took the car and drove right off the cliff, but when I woke up, I didn’t feel like it was wrong…I was scared, yeah, but…”

Chloe stopped Beck from saying anymore by pulling him into a tight embrace. She pressed her lips to his head, pulling away when his arms encircled her waist. He laid his forehead on her shoulder and allowed himself to cry once more. Chloe was there to hold him the whole time.

She was scared.

Scared to lose the one she called her everything.

Her world.

Chloe was aware of Beck’s history of self-harm and depression, but she had assumed that he was doing so much better. Now that Beck has told her this, she doesn’t know exactly how to feel. Is it hurt? Fear? Motivation? Maybe it was all of the above.

The young woman made a promise to herself to make sure Beck was all right in life, well, as much as she could. She try her best to make sure no harm came to him, physically and mentally.

“If you’re feeling better, a little more at ease, we can go make breakfast together. Maybe we can have a beach day. It’s pretty warm out, and I’m sure no one will be there. I also bought you a bareskin binder, so you don’t have to keep your shirt on.”

Chloe slid off of the bed and looked around in her drawer, pulling out a nude colored binder. Beck couldn’t fight the smile off of his face and quietly thanked the redhead as he took it from her and quickly put it on. It fit him perfectly and Chloe was thankful for getting the right size, since it took forever to arrive in the mail.

“Thank you, again. Now, can we go make pancakes? With blueberries?” Beck looked like a little kid on Christmas morning when Chloe agreed to making blueberry pancakes. He raced down the hall and into the kitchen when she opened the door. It had been a good while since she’s seen Beck this excited for anything. It was nice.

She joined her boyfriend in the kitchen and laughed when she saw that he had flour on his face already. He rubbed it off with the back of his hand and frowned when he just smeared it over towards his cheek and nose. Chloe couldn’t help but laugh as she took a wet paper towel and cleaned it off for him. “You are so cute. Let me do this so you don’t get any more in your nice beard.”

Beck pouted, but he was glad that Chloe noticed he hadn’t shaved in a while. It didn’t grow as fast, or as much as he wanted it to, but it was noticeable if someone actually took the time to look at his chin. “Fine, but I want fluffy pancakes, and I trust that you will put enough love into the batter for it to taste amazing.” He kissed her cheek before he left her side to grab the bacon and eggs from the fridge. Their breakfast was going to be fantastic.

* * *

 

“Beck! Put me down!”

Amy and Cynthia clapped and hollered as Beck had grabbed Aubrey and threw her over his shoulder, running farther out into the water. The weather was perfect; the sun was out, not a single cloud, and the water was warm, and clear as day. The young man laughed as the blonde over his shoulder pounded her fists against his back. It didn’t hurt him, but she was wriggling around and his fear of dropping her increased.

“Stacie! Tell him to put me down!” Aubrey looked up to her girlfriend who was cackling right alongside Chloe and Emily. Benji was just shaking his head, but the smile on his face still remained. Little Bella sat in front of them, giggling and clapping as she watched her mother being carried away by her uncle.

“I’m sorry, Aubrey. I love you!”

Beck stood still when the water stopped at the bottom of his chest. Aubrey had given up on trying to get out the man’s grasp. He had definitely been working out. Her thoughts were interrupted by the feeling of hands on her waist. She looked down and noticed that Beck held her over his head.

“Beck Mitchell, don’t you fucking dar-!”

Her sentence was cut off by the brunet throwing her a few feet away into the water. Everyone behind them cheered for him when Aubrey surfaced and wiped her face. Her piercing blue eyes sent daggers toward the shorter male as she began walking back towards the group.

Beck held his sides as he laughed. That is until something touch his stomach. He looked down and gasped, his heart dropping when he noticed what it was.

“Uh...Bree? You might want to cover up…”

Aubrey hadn’t heard him and continued walking towards the shore, the water getting lower and lower every step she took. Not that no one could see it already through the crystal clear water. “Stupid Beck.”

Beck panicked, so he held up the bikini bottom and it immediately caught Amy’s attention. “Uh...Aubrey...please stop walking this way. Your heavenly womanhood is on display for all to see.”

The older blonde held a quizzical look until she looked down and shrieked, covering herself and running back towards Beck, snatching her bottom piece. “Don’t look,” she commanded swiftly. He nodded quickly and started making his way back to the others. His cheeks were a bright red. The group said nothing as Aubrey returned, fully clothed and searing.

Amy broke the silence with her growling stomach. “Well. I think it’s time we go grab some grub. I could go for a whole Roo burger right now.”

Before anyone could question her words, she was already running towards to snack shack that sat a small distance away. “Yeah,” started Benji. “I-I think we should...we should all just grab a beer or two, and some food.”

They all nodded in agreement. It was also in agreement to never mentioning the incident that just occurred. The evening was far from drawing near, and Beck didn’t know if he could make it through sober. Then again, who did?


End file.
